Got me up all night .. all I’m singing is love songs.
Love. Ahh love … What the hell is that?
You don’t hear that?
That sound that is soooo loud .. & so rapid to the point that is almost sounds like one constant beat.
You see, that’s what happens when I start to think about love nowadays. My heart beats so fast that it’s almost scary. I get a weak feeling, like .. that feeling when you haven’t eaten all day.
That feeling of emptiness.
Why? Because the thought of loving someone else makes me SICK.
I’m sick with fear. Fear of falling in love, fear of giving myself to someone else, fear of trusting. I’m fucking scared.
I’m up all night wondering … why is it that everyone who said they loved me .. lied to me? Hurt me? Maybe I’m just unlovable.
LMAO let’s be serious. God loves me, and he gave me parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, a whole lot of people who love me. I’m a damn good woman, and I deserve to be loved as such.
However, I’ve gotten to the point where I won’t even let a man love me anymore because I know I won’t love them.
I’ve given all the love that I had to give .. to people who left and took their share with them. I’ve been fighting for so long to get them old things back.
Today, when I ask God to renew my heart .. I’m asking for Him to make me whole again. As a woman of God, I’m supposed to love and do so wholeheartedly. I can’t do that if I’m holding on to past hurt.
Lesson: Let old things fall away, so that new & better things can become of your future.